We're in the throes of Midsummer right now. It's been quite an exhausting week but I wouldn't have it any other way. Last week, we got the immense privilege of having Rodney Cottier from LAMDA in town for a few days. During his time here, he hosted a Shakespeare workshop and his auditions for LAMDA. It was a great experience so I want to write some down.

First, for the workshop, he really opened my eyes to a lot of things that I knew in theory but had forgotten in practice. It took me back to doing Patrick Page's workshops several years ago. He talked about a lot of stuff. He talked about the architecture of the Globe Theatre and what performances there are like, now and back in the day. It has two doors, a curtain, and a balcony - and that's it. They don't do fancy elaborate sets and they never have, and it was up to the acting companies to tell the story through the acting and costumes. He also joked about how they built two massive poles at the front of the Globe stage which totally obscure the audience's view... and I've definitely been in spaces like that before! It reminded me that the Globe is just another stage, not some mythical place, and performing there certainly comes with advantages and disadvantages. The big realization I had is that theatre today really isn't that different! It's the same art and it's more similar than not. It makes me feel more accomplished looking at my theatre work in this random nondescript city in the US.

Next part of the workshop Rodney covered a lot of things with a reading of King Lear. I knew a lot of this already, but it had been a few years since the last time I had it refreshed. Here's my biggest takeaways:

• Editors suck. They get it wrong constantly and they always have. For some reason, these Shakespeare academics feel like they have the right to add stage directions, change words, control entrances and exits... even character lists weren't originally in the folio! I'm gonna be referencing the original folio text much more frequently because it's arguably the purest form of the texts.
• Shakespeare has to move fast. You don't want to interrupt the heartbeat unless it's on purpose. I know a lot of actors and directors will swear by breathing at the end of each verse line... but even just with Midsummer, that totally murders any momentum we've been gathering. I'm just not gonna do it.
• Vowels and consonants are immensely important, especially when the same sounds make alliteration or assonance. Try to listen for how it affects your character. Consonants come from the mind while vowels come from the body, and usage of one over the other can tell you a lot about a moment.
• These people speak funny, yes, but they're still real people. The things they are going through are very real and still incredibly relatable. It's not like life and English was substantially different back then when these plays came out... People mostly laughed at the same sorts of things and had the same sort of interactions with one another. We think we're so cool because we live in the future and we have all this wild technology, but looking at how people fundamentally interact, not much has really changed.
• Obey the text and pay very very close attention to it. You'll miss so much detail and opportunity if you don't obey what has been given to you.

The workshop was only a few hours but it left me feeling artistically reinvigorated.

Then I auditioned for Rodney the next day. I didn't have much time to prepare. A few of us from the show auditioned together, some of us (myself included) signed up through LAMDA, a few others were walk-ins, which I'm sure Rodney didn't appreciate. I wonder if his time had been volunteered for him... Anyway, I only had a few days to prep, so here were my audition speeches. I had most of them mostly memorized from prior auditions so I really just had to refresh my memory.

• "And I forsooth in love" Berowne from Love's Labour's Lost. This is funny, because Rodney hates this show and made it the butt of several jokes in the workshop. I like this speech a lot.
• "I will not court the madness of the times" Rhetias from John Ford's The Lover's Melancholy. This was super niche, and I think he was surprised to see John Ford. This monologue doesn't really mean much, I mean it's mildly funny... But there's much much stronger choices I could've made, and I shouldn't pick a monologue for the purpose of being unique and quirky. Next audition, I'm gonna look into other authors like Marlowe or Jonson, but I'll only take a speech of theirs if it means something and has something happening in it.
• John from Cock by Mike Bartlett. Rodney was familiar with it, so I wouldn't be surprised if this is a popular audition choice. Then again this man has been judging auditions for decades...

After those three, he asked me for another. I was a little surprised by that, but I pulled out Iachimo "the crickets sing" from Cymbeline. He said nothing about the other three speeches, but we worked on this one for about fifteen minutes, and I left totally different. I had been playing this as a comedy... I mean, come on, a guy packs himself into a suitcase to spy on a girl, so he can prove a bet? That's hilarious! But by playing the comedy I denied the actuality of the situation... the audience doesn't know what Iachimo is gonna do to Imogen. I cut some of the more rape-y lines, but they're there on purpose. This show isn't a comedy. My monologue wound up being completely different after the fact, and I don't think I'm ever gonna do this speech for an audition again.

All in all, it was probably the hardest audition I've ever been to. I felt well-prepared, but he showed me I still have a long way to go. I didn't get into the school (which is fine, it would've been logistically challenging anyway). I would've loved the adventure, but I don't know if I'm ready yet anyway. I feel too in-my-head still, too worried about myself, like I'm not committed enough to the craft... Even though I've been acting in the valley for three years and got my BA in it. I have a long long way to go, but I'm working on it. It's not everyday that a man with as much knowledge and experience as Rodney comes around, so I'm very happy I got the chance to see his workshop and get some coaching. Here's my takeaways I'm going to apply to my acting, based on my experiences with Rodney and on Midsummer so far:

• Get out of your head. My characters are fragile and flimsy and I think I need more of a ritual to get into them. Focus and breathe!
• Obey the text. Just because you think something is funny doesn't mean that's how it ought to be played, both in classical works and contemporary. I think I could benefit a lot from doing more text work on future shows.
• Be comfortably and unapologetically yourself. This is the hardest for me. I noticed that I naturally assign a low status to myself in most situations, and I need to stop doing that. It shows and weakens my position and what people may think of me. Confidence has been a challenge for me for practically my whole life, and lacking it makes acting (and life) much harder than it needs to be.

Overall I think I'm getting better, it's just a constant uphill battle for me for all these things. I know I can do it, but it's gonna take a lot.