What an incredible time. Seriously. Huge shout out to FlagShakes for getting things right! What a massive relief, and what an honor to be part of their season, especially as one of the leads. It was unlike any experience I'd ever had before, in that I traveled out of town for a show _and_ that I rehearsed two shows at the same time, which I haven't done since college. I also hadn't been to Flagstaff since then either, so it was great to be back in town and a nice trip down memory lane. The people involved were excellent too - great people all around, very friendly and welcoming yet still talented and professional. Maybe it was part of staying somewhere else for a while, but I don't think I've ever been in a show where the cast really became a community. I really only have positive things to say about the experience.

First, I really like FlagShakes as a company and I think they're really running things well. From what I've seen they've got a really strong leadership team that knows what to do, which is more than can be said for a lot of other companies. It never felt like they didn't know or were unsure what had to be done when it came to the business side of theatre, nor did they ask more of anyone in the company than what their job entailed (as far as I know). Their marketing was solid, and every night had great crowd sizes. Marketing is crucial and they understand that, and they've got some people working on it that are well-versed and know how to do it. Overall they run things very smoothly and I would be delighted to do more work with them in the future.

It would have been nice, though, if there was an extra person or two backstage to assist the SM and to help with costumes and props, which would be an even greater luxury. It was the "backstage" area that was rough, and that's not really the company's fault - we were out in the sun in the heat of the afternoon. Though I would have appreciated a bit more shade without having to cram as many as people as possible under a small tent. It felt a little neglected back there, though I think if there was a run crew they might have been able to make things a little more organized and comfortable. But we made do anyway, and these sorts of things are inevitable in outdoor theatre, so I get it and no complaints from me.

As for my acting, I really learned a lot in this experience too. I don't actually think I've ever done a play in the round before this, but they gave us some great tactics to help with that - such as imagining an X on the stage, and facing your body on it. Or turning your body one way and your head another, and constantly moving to make sure everybody gets a decent view. Another strategy I learned this summer (which I'm surprised I didn't pick up on yet, considering all the other Shakespeare I've done by now) is to not only address the audience directly, but to also complete each thought with each audience you look at. Water them with your words like they're a plant, because if you just spray the hose all over the garden nothing really gets a good drink of you. Instead of hip-firing the whole house, take each thought to a separate person and look them in the eyes... as difficult as it is.

I actually had a pretty difficult time keeping thoughts fully separate in my brain, but here's some things that helped me. First, drawing massive lines in my script between each thought helped a bit, which also helped me load them into my brain separate. Then putting a tiny breath of air between the separate thoughts helped, but that's the end result, not the tactic itself. The tactic was about actually having the thought - to let it occur to my brain, understand it, and then express it, like we all do every moment of every day. Acting isn't about deciding "I'ma take a pause here cause that helps me" because that's putting the cart before the horse. I also shifted my pitch between thoughts, but the same thing applies. I think my resulting performance was strong that way, though I think I could have gone further with the thoughts so that'll be my next intention for whatever project I wind up working on next.

As a whole, I got some really positive feedback about my work. I was able to get more fully into character than I had in recent shows, and I wasn't constantly afraid of breaking character all the time, a flaw of mine which was totally ruined some of my work in the past. Being focused and comfortable helped a lot with that, as well as staying in the moment. I mean, the audience is _right there_ so it's harder to ignore them like you can in a dark proscenium. But for these types of shows, ignoring the audience is totally not the thing to do! In fact, some of my favorite moments were times I interacted with the audience directly.

One other self-direction that really helped me was to just stop trying so hard. I've done many shows where I've felt the need to _try super super hard_ to be someone else, and it always backfires. It's Acting with a capital A. I'm me, and I can't change that - but I can experience what a character goes through, and mix myself into the equation. It isn't about denying who I am, or the little quirks I might have, because those sorts of things can help breathe some life into a character. The way I was able to help myself this summer was to just remind myself to just be me, and go out there and do the thing. To be a human on that stage, experiencing things as they happen. And it was loads of fun!

And this applies to comedy too. I definitely did some of these scenes a few times in a very forced way - the "look at me, I'm funny right now!" schtick that I wish I'd grown out of and that I rationally know doesn't work. Maybe it's a defensive tactic to avoid being vulnerable? I want to be comfortable and the best way to relax (and know I'm "good") is to make the audience laugh, so let me make them laugh and I'll feel better... Except that always backfires too! This whole thing is kinda counter-intuitive when you think about it. The solution instead is to, again, stop trying so dang hard. Just be yourself, and let things happen. Comedy is supposed to be truthful, otherwise it's cheap and off-putting. So even though the scenario is ridiculous, it _must_ be taken seriously to really land. You can't make things funny through force, especially things that aren't written to be so.

Overall, I'm very proud of my work this summer. I don't think I was perfect, but nobody ever is - and I know precisely what I want to focus on doing for myself for future projects. Best of all this summer has really given me a lot of confidence in myself again. This year and last I've been doing a lot of really mediocre productions, but this shows to me that I can do better. And that my prospects aren't limited to just whatever happens to be going on in Phoenix.  It felt like a major career step, and one that reminded me of my experience and expertise. It's easy to get lost in everyone else when they're smart and talented, but everyone's unique and irreplaceable in their own life experiences and personality.

And for that reason, I'm trying very hard lately to be an active "noticer" of things, especially people. The idea behind it being that the more you notice, the more you think, the more you know, and the more you can funnel back into your craft. There's no shame in letting your brain operate the way it operates. I've definitely done improv before where it feels like the thoughts I'm having aren't "funny" enough - but again this ties into not trying too hard. Just let your thoughts be your thoughts. They're yours, and only yours until you share them. And opposing the way your own brain works is like trying to see with your hands over your eyes, it's counterproductive. There's no such thing as the "right" or the "wrong" thought. So I'm also letting my thoughts be what they are, and I want to be honest with myself and others about the things I notice too. I find it immensely liberating.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm looking forward to whatever comes next!

FlagShakes - Reflection

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The Merry Wives of Windsor

Spencer Beckwith

The Merry Wives of Windsor

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FlagShakes - Reflection